Thinking Many Deep Thoughts

Life has been very full this summer with many blessings as well as concerns.  The concerns are mostly family related and have been causing me increased pressure both emotionally and spiritually.  I've been feeling as though many of the resentments and much of the anger resulting from them is coming home to roost and it's not a pretty picture.  I've been feeling quite 'on edge' and ready to cry and/or get angry at the drop of a hat.  

Many of these feelings have been stuffed down now for years and eventually I guess they begin coming to the surface more than we'd like in this life.  I know mine have and in a way it's a good thing since I am being forced to deal with these issues or be trodden underfoot.  It's not an easy task nor is it one to be taken lightly because there's no way around all of this.......there's only one way and that is 'through' them, which doesn't make for peace of mind, nor inner ease.  

However, I feel as though Our Lord is calling me to take this journey and assuring me at the same time, that He will be by my side all the way so that I should 'Fear not, for I am with you even to the end of the world'.  That will be my fortress and my consolation so please, if you're reading this blog, pray for me as I journey into unknown and very deep waters.

Blessed!!

*JMJ*  We are truly blessed with a new grandson weighing in at 7 lbs., 7 ozs. and 19" long.  He is so adorable and  is our youngest son's and his wife's first child, which is even more beholding to watch as they gaze at him with wonder in their eyes!  Thank you, Lord, for this miraculous blessing and all of the many blessings you have showered on all of us.

Today I got any email from Matthew...A Catholic Life saying that he is going to be helping others to set up a Catholic blog of their own by writing a book, called,  "How to Successfully Create a Catholic Blog".  I'm sure this will be of immense help to many who want to share their thoughts about the Catholic faith and how they live their lives, etc., but have no concrete ideas on just how to set things up. 

One thing I've found as I've read several thought provoking and spiritually uplifting Catholic blogs is that they help so many more people than anyone can possibly realize.  The good Catholic blogs reach out and touch many and the authors can never imagine how their words were key to bringing some one back to God.  May all the truly inspired Catholic blogs out there be blessed in abundance by Our Lord.

5 Things To Be Thankful For Today:
1. Our New Grandson
2. Our 4 Other Grandchildren
3. Our Family's Health 
4. A Beautiful Day
5. Energy

Thankfulness!

*JMJ'* I realize I missed a couple of days, but I'm just getting into doing this and soon it will be a very good habit.  Today I am going to the baby shower for my 5th grandchild to be, but the very first baby for my youngest son and his wife.  We're blessed with 3 grandchildren from my daughter and her husband and 1 grandson from my middle son and his wife.  My youngest does not know whether it's a boy or girl since they wanted to be surprised and do things the old fashioned way, so time will tell since she is due the end of June.  In any event, I am very blessed by Our Lord with 4 healthy grandchildren and one one the way.

Five things I'm thankful for today are:

1.  The health and safety of my children and grandchildren.
2.  The way Christina (5) and Anna (3) light up when they see me.
3.  My husband's good health.
4.  My good health.
5.  Our 2 sweet kitties who give us unconditional love.

One Year Ago!

*JMJ* Has it really been one long year since I posted last?  Wow, talk about neglecting one's writing of thoughts, feelings, doubts, love, anger, etc. I should hang my head, no doubt, but here I am just the same, ready to put down some of my musings of late.


I was just reading Anne's Blog  which I have to say, inspired me to get down to the business of keeping up with my own!  She has pictures of a former church, purchased by a couple and renovated to become their home.  The pictures are so interesting, so go take a look and let me know what you think if you have the time and the inclination to do so.
I would like to begin using the *JMJ* of my youth on my posts as Ann does, so on that particular thing, she inspired me as well.


Getting down to the business of how I'm doing with my Catholic faith and with releasing my 'control' issues to Our Lord, I'd say it's a constant battle for me, not only to give everything over to God, but to remember to do so, since trying to control every available outcome has become a bad habit of mine.  Another thing I'm trying to remember each day is to live in the moment, no matter what I'm doing at the time, instead of thinking ahead and planning for this, that, and the other without being aware that only this moment, only now (which is the present) is the gift that God has given me and that's why it's called 'the present'.  

I will pray for my fellow Catholic bloggers as they journey on and would ask any who read my humble blog (even, if only once a year, LOL) to kindly pray for me as well!  May God bless all of you as you live moment to moment.

Suspending Control

Recently we went to a funeral Mass for an aquaintance and while there I was struck by how very special our Catholic heritage and faith are. I haven't been doing the things I need to do such as going to Mass on Sundays, watching my habit of taking God's name in vain, being selfish, resentful, and at times, hateful. It occurred to me that my Catholic faith is a wonderful gift that I've been given freely and which I have not been thankful enough for and a gift which I haven't been immersing myself in as I should be.

The idea that I am in control is nothing but an illusion and while I know this when I stop to think about it, trying to control every outcome is something that I do without thinking about it.............in other words, it's become a very bad habit and it is one of the first things I must work on and ask Jesus to heal me of. I need to remember every day in every way that only Our Lord is in control and giving him all of my fears, concerns, and even my goals, frees me to become a more fully involved Catholic who lives her faith by embracing it fully and truly appreciating the great gift which has been given to me.

Getting back to being at the funeral Mass and seeing the casket of the dearly departed sitting in the center of the church aisle, I was struck by the speed of how soon we are all finished with our earthly life and how soon we'll all be standing in front of Our Lord receiving our judgment based on the way we've lived our lives. I don't want to be guilty of not having enough faith in God, continuing trying to control everything myself, and going my merry way in ignorance. Instead, I want to ''let go, and let God' become my way of living each and every day....pray for me, please.

PRAYING

Lately I've been in a rut of sorts......that is, although I pray nightly as well as in the mornings, my prayers are always basically the same ones and although they are said devoutly and with awareness, I feel as though it's time to add more. How does one go about doing this? Should I read my bible more often, but then, how do I understand what much of it means? Or should I get out a prayer book and begin saying prayers from that? How do those of you who may occasionally read my humble blog, pray unceasingly, as the bible suggests? Please feel free to make suggestions and share with myself and others how you pray each day. As always, may God bless you and keep you and yours safe.

That Old Time Religion

I've been wishing very deeply that there might be a Tridentine Mass at a parish near my neck of the woods, but not so. I miss the Latin mass of old with the altar facing the faithful and the communion rail that we all knelt down on to receive the body and blood of Our Lord with such reverence.

Today I got out one of my old missals, The New Daily Missal, to be exact, dedicated to St. Joseph and published in 1959 with an imprimatur from Francis Cardinal Spellman, archbishop of N.Y. How it took me back to my days in Catholic grade school and our times in church. We would go for Mass on holy days, for practice on our entrance hymns as well as communion and closing hymns.

There was always a deep sense of awe and holiness that would come over me when I entered the Church then. Plus the parishoners showed such respect for the real presence of Our Lord on the altar by their demeanor, their dress, and their attention to what was actually happening on the altar. We could pray and meditate on what the priest was doing and what it meant as he said the Mass.

I miss all of that and I miss the customs that seemed to be written in stone.....who knew that once Vatican II came in, much of the above would simply fade away. I pray that one day we may have that reverence and deep desire for prayer and community that we had then, but seem to have lost along the way trying to be 'up to date' and all about 'us' instead of all about Jesus Christ who died for our sins.

Simple Devotion

The title of my post lets you know that I've joined the weekly devotional at The Simple Woman
blog. I feel as though I was led to this wonderful and humble site and that reading it will help me in my spiritual journey, so thank you, Peggy, for creating such a restful and inspiring haven for all of us to come to.

For Today...

Dear Lord,

I bring you my shortcomings... my impatience, my anger and resentment at times which I am trying so hard to overcome. I cannot hope to make a dent in these sins without your grace and your help which is always so freely given.....forgive me.

I bring you my worship and praise... for all of the blessings I receive day in and day out, many of which I don't always recognize or thank you for as I should.

I bring you my prayer... that I may be more loving and understanding toward those I love as well as those I don't care for. I also pray for my son's return to his family who love him so very much and miss him dreadfully.

You spoke to me...

Romans: 8:15
"For the spirit that God has given you does not make you slaves and cause you to be afraid; instead, the Spirit makes you God's children, and by the Spirit's power we cry out to God, "Father, my Father"!

My Patron Saint for 2009

St. John of Egypt

Feastday: March 27
394

One of the most famous early desert hermits, a noted prophet of his era. He was born in Lycopolis, modern Assiut, Egypt, and became a hermit at the age of twenty. He was walled up in a hermitage near Assiut, with a single window opening onto the public. There he preached to vast crowds each weekend. He predicted two military victories for Emperor Theodosius I, and they were proven accurate in 388 and 392. The cell in which John spent his life was discovered in 1925.

Many of you are familiar with Marianne's blog, The Patron Saint of the Year Ministry at which you can read many wonderful inspiring posts and can request a patron saint for the year. I did just that and the saint who chose me, is listed above with some information regarding his life. As Marianne mentions on her blog, if your saint is not well know, rejoice, because he or she has now chosen you to make themselves known and to intercede for you.

I looked up information on him but there's precious little to be had. I did smile however when I read that he was a hermit! My family members have accused me of being a hermit in this modern day and age, saying that I'm much too content to stay home and I need to get out more. When I was young my best friend Margie and I used to dream about growing up and getting an apartment together, getting wonderfully interesting jobs, but by and large, being hermits. Margie passed away at the very tender age of 48 and I miss her to this day.....who knows, perhaps she had a hand in nudging St. John of Egypt to be my patron saint for 2009.

Eternal rest grant unto her oh Lord, and may all the faithful
departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen

Happy New Year to All!

Here we are on the very first day of the very first 2009 that ever was or will be and isn't it exciting! I had a wonderful Christmas shared with my husband and our family which includes 5 grown kids and their spouses and our 3 grandchildren with a new one on the way in April, so we have much to be thankful for in our lives.

Sunday mass still hasn't been attended but I have hope that I will go back starting this Sunday and begin my year in the best way I can....sharing my time with the Lord who gave it to me in the first place, and receiving His grace and His body and blood (having gone to Confession, of course).

I reached out via the internet to a few devoted Catholic women who write for an online publication and their responses to me couldn't have been more helpful and full of caring and grace and after thinking about this I realized that even those responses were sent to me by Jesus who is calling me and never gives up on me.....thank you Jesus and thank you for a brand new year with no mistakes in it yet, during which I can begin again....such a gift from God.

Thought in General

We have been so blessed with our former home selling (especially in this downward housing market) and the purchase of our lovely, smaller more cozy home. Life is good and I know I have the good Lord to thank for this and all my blessings,......blessings which I and many others take for granted each and every day. I pray for more awareness of just how precious each day we live is and will always be.

As we watched United Flight 93 movie/documentary the other night, I realized once again just how great a loss we all suffered as a nation and how we must never forget those who perished, never knowing that 'that day' in 2001 would be their last day on earth. The brave souls on flight 93 have been immortalized and rightly so.....can you imagine knowing that death was certain and yet, being brave enough to force the plane down to save more lives? I will pray for all whose lives were lost on that horrible day in our history each and every night and I will thank God for all the good people in our world. May we never lose faith in that very fact and always strive to keep His name and our faith alive and well.

Reflecting Again!

I've searched and googled till I'm blue in the face, looking for what St. Damasus, my saint for 2008, might be the patron saint for, and I could only find one thing.........are you ready for this...........patron of archeologists! Now, not only am I anything but a digger of the dirt, I don't even garden, for heaven sakes! Ergo, my wondering.....

I've prayed and asked St. Damasus to open my mind to just what he can help me with as well as his intercessions for my prayers and supplications. Could it be though, that he will help me dig down deep into the recesses of my mind and
a. make a thorough and good confession
b. thereby begin attending Sunday mass once again
c. bring necessary things to my mind which I need to work on
d. unearth all sorts of 'food for thought'

These are just a few of the things that I've been reflecting on and welcome your thoughts as well.

My Patron Saint for 2008

I've been picked by St. Damasus and below have copied some facts about his life from http://www.americancatholic.org ..........

December 11
St. Damasus I
(305?-384)


To his secretary St. Jerome, Damasus was “an incomparable person, learned in the Scriptures, a virgin doctor of the virgin Church, who loved chastity and heard its praises with pleasure.”

Damasus seldom heard such unrestrained praise. Internal political struggles, doctrinal heresies, uneasy relations with his fellow bishops and those of the Eastern Church marred the peace of his pontificate.

The son of a Roman priest, possibly of Spanish extraction, Damasus started as a deacon in his father’s church, and served as a priest in what later became the basilica of San Lorenzo in Rome. He served Pope Liberius (352-366) and followed him into exile.

When Liberius died, Damasus was elected bishop of Rome; but a minority elected and consecrated another deacon, Ursinus, as pope. The controversy between Damasus and the antipope resulted in violent battles in two basilicas, scandalizing the bishops of Italy.

During his pontificate Christianity was declared the official religion of the Roman state (380), and Latin became the principal liturgical language as part of the pope’s reforms. His encouragement of St. Jerome’s biblical studies led to the Vulgate, the Latin translation of Scripture which the Council of Trent (12 centuries later) declared to be “authentic in public readings, disputations, preachings.”

Comment:

The history of the papacy and the Church is inextricably mixed with the personal biography of Damasus. In a troubled and pivotal period of Church history, he stands forth as a zealous defender of the faith who knew when to be progressive and when to entrench.

Damasus makes us aware of two qualities of good leadership: alertness to the promptings of the Spirit and service. His struggles are a reminder that Jesus never promised his Rock protection from hurricane winds nor his followers immunity from difficulties. His only guarantee is final victory.

Quote:

"He who walking on the sea could calm the bitter waves, who gives life to the dying seeds of the earth; he who was able to loose the mortal chains of death, and after three days' darkness could bring again to the upper world the brother for his sister Martha: he, I believe, will make Damasus rise again from the dust" (epitaph Damasus wrote for himself).

Update as Requested

Thank you, as always, Seminarian Matthew, for taking the time to comment on my blog. I've been neglecting it because I know that I should have news to report that I've gone back to weekly Mass but sadly, that is not the case, so because of that I haven't wanted to post and confess my obvious sins here online. Writing these words it strikes me that the only person I need to consider with my confession is our dear Lord, for He alone knows what's in my heart and He alone, can forgive my laziness and indifference.

I have been reading His word and pray every night and often during the day, and I talk to the Lord as I go about my everyday life, however, I know that doesn't take the place of fulfilling my obligation as a Catholic, to attend the holy sacrifice of the Mass, and receive the Body and Blood of Jesus. If I had to get right down to the knitty gritty of WHY I don't go to Mass, I'd have to say a combination of pure laziness and pride because I don't like all the singing, nor can I find a minute to meditate, and therefore justify (or at least try to) my non-attendance.

Please pray for me and I hope you won't think ill of me, Matthew, for you have been a friend for awhile now and I continue to pray for you.

Looking Back!

I've been reading my previous posts and find that I haven't been to Sunday mass in quite awhile now. This isn't a good thing, I know, and I'm not about to give up....no way! The Lord has blessed me abundantly and in a much older post I wrote about not receiving an answer to one of my long held requests in prayer. I'm happy to say that I've received an answer and although it's not fully presented itself as yet, I'm well on my way to fulfillment and I know it's from Jesus, my Lord and my Saviour.

I will continue to try my best to live as the Lord would want me to and to get back to Mass as I know this is important above all else. So, dear readers, if you're out there, please pray for me and I will pray for you and your intentions as well!

Counting Our Blessings

The past few months have been a bit trying for me, medically speaking. In late August I was diagnosed with Type II Adult Onset Diabetes, which really hit me hard. I didn't want to believe it, no way, no how, but my blood sugars have been running above normal for a good year or so, and the time had come to face the facts that I could no longer dispute. This meant a huge change in my dietary choices, my exercise (or up to now, lack of it) and general outlook. I have to test my blood 2 x's a day at the least to see what is happening with the foods I'm eating, etc. That part isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but the exercising is what gets me down. I hate it, but I know it's NECESSARY....darn!
Also, a couple of weeks ago I got a call back to get more films done for something questionable which I won't go into, but the worry of that is nerve wracking, to say the least. I pray to Our Dear Lord that all will be well when I go back and get re-checked. If anyone is out there reading this, please keep me in your prayers.
I was reading my last two posts and wondering how I have been doing at trying to truly enjoy all the little things each and every day and this situation makes that effort even MORE important to me. I must do better and stay 'in the moment' for each and every moment of the day so that nothing escapes the opportunity to thank God and to know how blessed I am!

Thanking God for My Blessings

This morning, the weather is beautiful.....it's a bluer than blue sky and absolutely no humidity, with a refreshing breeze blowing. I took my coffee outside and soaked it all in while I silently thanked God for His glorious world. The beauty of the trees, the colorful flowers blooming all around us, the beautiful blue of the sky with the white puffy clouds, all this and so much more.

Beauty surrounds us everyday in so many ways, ways which I must admit, I sometimes fail to appreciate as I should. The things in our homes that possess beauty and give us a feeling of comfort and joy are things that can sometimes become so familiar that we forget to notice or use them as we should......at least that's the case for me.

I have many lovely items such as a special tea pot given to me by my grandmother who has since passed away and who I miss so much. I don't use this teapot nearly enough and that is something I intend to rectify beginning today. No more 'saving it for a special occasion.....life is getting shorter all the time and 'now is the appointed time', not some time in the future, which it seems, never comes to pass.

Other things like crystal glasses and serving pieces, a special vase to put some fresh flowers in, my Fiesta cups and saucers instead of just plain mugs all the time. Then there's the sparkling clean kitchen counters after I've polished them and the homemade foods and smells that eminate from my kitchen that I sometimes don't even take the time to enjoy!

Yes, I am promising Our Dear Lord that I will try each and every day to look and actually see the beauty that surrounds me in my day to day life, not only in the big things, but more importantly, in the smaller, less obvious ones. I ask for your prayers, dear readers, that I remember to be thankful as often as humanly possible by the grace of God, our Heavenly Father.

Trusting!

I'm currently reading a book called Trusting Yourself by M.J. Ryan, author of Random Acts of Kindness and The Power of Patience. I like so much of what she writes and one thing that truly made sense to me was the idea that we need to re-learn to REALLY trust ourselves again and in so doing we then can trust God even more deeply.

I think God created us to trust in the inate qualities He instilled inside each of His children. As we grow up we forget to trust ourselves and of course, God as well. We feel flawed most of the time either trying to keep up with the Joneses' or we've become hyper-critical and wind up feeling static in our everyday lives, which I don't think Jesus ever wanted for us.

To me, He gave us free will along with good old fashioned common sense and in this day and age we need to start using that common sense now more than ever. Pressure is everywhere to be better, be smarter, be thinner, be more active, be more financially sound, be ALL THAT AND 3 BAGS OF CHIPS too!!!! It can get a person down but if we try to remind ourselves each and every day to trust in the Lord knowing that He wants us to trust in ourselves too, I think we'll be much happier.

Now when I say trust in myself, I'm talking about the 'real me', the deep down soul of myself that knows who I am and desperatelty wants to be that person, flaws and all. No, that doesn't mean I stop working on trying to do better and be better every day, but only in those things that Our Dear Lord is concerned with.....not the world in general. How will I know what those things are? We always hear either Our Lord whispering in our ear, or our guardian angel, or perhaps a particular saint that we may have a deep faith in, but WE ALWAYS KNOW .

These have been some of my thoughts over the past few days and I'm glad I've had the chance to share them with any of you who may stop by to read my blog from time to time. Naturally, your responses are always welcomed.

"Insist on yourself; never imitate...nothing can bring you peace but yourself". Ralph Waldo Emerson (I would re-phrase this quote, if I may be so bold, to say: 'nothing can bring you peace but being the true self God created you to be').

June, Already!

I watched the original movie, 'The Omen' with Gregory Peck and Lee Remick yesterday and I have to say, it sent a few chills through me. Just contemplating some of the things written in Revelations and paying attention to just how quickly the world is changing every day is enough to make one sit up and take notice, or should I say, more likely, get down on one's knees and pray like there's no tomorrow.....for one of these days, who knows?

It troubles me that the devil is so powerful and always seems to take such good care of his own...does it you? Another movie that causes one to think more deeply is 'Fallen' with Denzel Washington and it also sites Revelations from the bible. It seems that evil is growing stronger all the time and every way we turn we're faced with it and must pray for the grace to resist.

Sorry if this post reads such gloom and doom, but I felt moved to post just what you're reading here. On that note, may the Lord be with all of you and with us all as we try to stay in God's graces, under His protection, and in His love every moment of each day.

Spring has Sprung!

Yes, the glory of the Lord can be see far and wide as everything begins to bloom! This morning I received a package in the mail from my sweet daughter-in law and son. Opening it I discovered a pink pot filled with bulbs of various flowers which will bloom at different times throughout the spring and possibly even the summer. Such sweethearts, my son and his lovely wife who never forget to remember!

What a testament of God's love and care for each His human children when we look at His creations such as the birds, the trees, the flowers and their vibrant colors and shapes.
We start out in our mother's womb, we're born, and we begin to grow and to bloom in our own unique way. Each of us is a wonderous creation of God and He loves us in and for our individual uniqueness. Hopefully, we then strive to grow in His love and to become vibrant in our faith, hope, and charity. This is what I wish for myself, and for all of you, dear readers.