July 30, 2009

Suspending Control

Recently we went to a funeral Mass for an aquaintance and while there I was struck by how very special our Catholic heritage and faith are. I haven't been doing the things I need to do such as going to Mass on Sundays, watching my habit of taking God's name in vain, being selfish, resentful, and at times, hateful. It occurred to me that my Catholic faith is a wonderful gift that I've been given freely and which I have not been thankful enough for and a gift which I haven't been immersing myself in as I should be.

The idea that I am in control is nothing but an illusion and while I know this when I stop to think about it, trying to control every outcome is something that I do without thinking about it.............in other words, it's become a very bad habit and it is one of the first things I must work on and ask Jesus to heal me of. I need to remember every day in every way that only Our Lord is in control and giving him all of my fears, concerns, and even my goals, frees me to become a more fully involved Catholic who lives her faith by embracing it fully and truly appreciating the great gift which has been given to me.

Getting back to being at the funeral Mass and seeing the casket of the dearly departed sitting in the center of the church aisle, I was struck by the speed of how soon we are all finished with our earthly life and how soon we'll all be standing in front of Our Lord receiving our judgment based on the way we've lived our lives. I don't want to be guilty of not having enough faith in God, continuing trying to control everything myself, and going my merry way in ignorance. Instead, I want to ''let go, and let God' become my way of living each and every day....pray for me, please.