Update as Requested

Thank you, as always, Seminarian Matthew, for taking the time to comment on my blog. I've been neglecting it because I know that I should have news to report that I've gone back to weekly Mass but sadly, that is not the case, so because of that I haven't wanted to post and confess my obvious sins here online. Writing these words it strikes me that the only person I need to consider with my confession is our dear Lord, for He alone knows what's in my heart and He alone, can forgive my laziness and indifference.

I have been reading His word and pray every night and often during the day, and I talk to the Lord as I go about my everyday life, however, I know that doesn't take the place of fulfilling my obligation as a Catholic, to attend the holy sacrifice of the Mass, and receive the Body and Blood of Jesus. If I had to get right down to the knitty gritty of WHY I don't go to Mass, I'd have to say a combination of pure laziness and pride because I don't like all the singing, nor can I find a minute to meditate, and therefore justify (or at least try to) my non-attendance.

Please pray for me and I hope you won't think ill of me, Matthew, for you have been a friend for awhile now and I continue to pray for you.

Looking Back!

I've been reading my previous posts and find that I haven't been to Sunday mass in quite awhile now. This isn't a good thing, I know, and I'm not about to give up....no way! The Lord has blessed me abundantly and in a much older post I wrote about not receiving an answer to one of my long held requests in prayer. I'm happy to say that I've received an answer and although it's not fully presented itself as yet, I'm well on my way to fulfillment and I know it's from Jesus, my Lord and my Saviour.

I will continue to try my best to live as the Lord would want me to and to get back to Mass as I know this is important above all else. So, dear readers, if you're out there, please pray for me and I will pray for you and your intentions as well!

Counting Our Blessings

The past few months have been a bit trying for me, medically speaking. In late August I was diagnosed with Type II Adult Onset Diabetes, which really hit me hard. I didn't want to believe it, no way, no how, but my blood sugars have been running above normal for a good year or so, and the time had come to face the facts that I could no longer dispute. This meant a huge change in my dietary choices, my exercise (or up to now, lack of it) and general outlook. I have to test my blood 2 x's a day at the least to see what is happening with the foods I'm eating, etc. That part isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but the exercising is what gets me down. I hate it, but I know it's NECESSARY....darn!
Also, a couple of weeks ago I got a call back to get more films done for something questionable which I won't go into, but the worry of that is nerve wracking, to say the least. I pray to Our Dear Lord that all will be well when I go back and get re-checked. If anyone is out there reading this, please keep me in your prayers.
I was reading my last two posts and wondering how I have been doing at trying to truly enjoy all the little things each and every day and this situation makes that effort even MORE important to me. I must do better and stay 'in the moment' for each and every moment of the day so that nothing escapes the opportunity to thank God and to know how blessed I am!

Thanking God for My Blessings

This morning, the weather is beautiful.....it's a bluer than blue sky and absolutely no humidity, with a refreshing breeze blowing. I took my coffee outside and soaked it all in while I silently thanked God for His glorious world. The beauty of the trees, the colorful flowers blooming all around us, the beautiful blue of the sky with the white puffy clouds, all this and so much more.

Beauty surrounds us everyday in so many ways, ways which I must admit, I sometimes fail to appreciate as I should. The things in our homes that possess beauty and give us a feeling of comfort and joy are things that can sometimes become so familiar that we forget to notice or use them as we should......at least that's the case for me.

I have many lovely items such as a special tea pot given to me by my grandmother who has since passed away and who I miss so much. I don't use this teapot nearly enough and that is something I intend to rectify beginning today. No more 'saving it for a special occasion.....life is getting shorter all the time and 'now is the appointed time', not some time in the future, which it seems, never comes to pass.

Other things like crystal glasses and serving pieces, a special vase to put some fresh flowers in, my Fiesta cups and saucers instead of just plain mugs all the time. Then there's the sparkling clean kitchen counters after I've polished them and the homemade foods and smells that eminate from my kitchen that I sometimes don't even take the time to enjoy!

Yes, I am promising Our Dear Lord that I will try each and every day to look and actually see the beauty that surrounds me in my day to day life, not only in the big things, but more importantly, in the smaller, less obvious ones. I ask for your prayers, dear readers, that I remember to be thankful as often as humanly possible by the grace of God, our Heavenly Father.

Trusting!

I'm currently reading a book called Trusting Yourself by M.J. Ryan, author of Random Acts of Kindness and The Power of Patience. I like so much of what she writes and one thing that truly made sense to me was the idea that we need to re-learn to REALLY trust ourselves again and in so doing we then can trust God even more deeply.

I think God created us to trust in the inate qualities He instilled inside each of His children. As we grow up we forget to trust ourselves and of course, God as well. We feel flawed most of the time either trying to keep up with the Joneses' or we've become hyper-critical and wind up feeling static in our everyday lives, which I don't think Jesus ever wanted for us.

To me, He gave us free will along with good old fashioned common sense and in this day and age we need to start using that common sense now more than ever. Pressure is everywhere to be better, be smarter, be thinner, be more active, be more financially sound, be ALL THAT AND 3 BAGS OF CHIPS too!!!! It can get a person down but if we try to remind ourselves each and every day to trust in the Lord knowing that He wants us to trust in ourselves too, I think we'll be much happier.

Now when I say trust in myself, I'm talking about the 'real me', the deep down soul of myself that knows who I am and desperatelty wants to be that person, flaws and all. No, that doesn't mean I stop working on trying to do better and be better every day, but only in those things that Our Dear Lord is concerned with.....not the world in general. How will I know what those things are? We always hear either Our Lord whispering in our ear, or our guardian angel, or perhaps a particular saint that we may have a deep faith in, but WE ALWAYS KNOW .

These have been some of my thoughts over the past few days and I'm glad I've had the chance to share them with any of you who may stop by to read my blog from time to time. Naturally, your responses are always welcomed.

"Insist on yourself; never imitate...nothing can bring you peace but yourself". Ralph Waldo Emerson (I would re-phrase this quote, if I may be so bold, to say: 'nothing can bring you peace but being the true self God created you to be').

June, Already!

I watched the original movie, 'The Omen' with Gregory Peck and Lee Remick yesterday and I have to say, it sent a few chills through me. Just contemplating some of the things written in Revelations and paying attention to just how quickly the world is changing every day is enough to make one sit up and take notice, or should I say, more likely, get down on one's knees and pray like there's no tomorrow.....for one of these days, who knows?

It troubles me that the devil is so powerful and always seems to take such good care of his own...does it you? Another movie that causes one to think more deeply is 'Fallen' with Denzel Washington and it also sites Revelations from the bible. It seems that evil is growing stronger all the time and every way we turn we're faced with it and must pray for the grace to resist.

Sorry if this post reads such gloom and doom, but I felt moved to post just what you're reading here. On that note, may the Lord be with all of you and with us all as we try to stay in God's graces, under His protection, and in His love every moment of each day.

Spring has Sprung!

Yes, the glory of the Lord can be see far and wide as everything begins to bloom! This morning I received a package in the mail from my sweet daughter-in law and son. Opening it I discovered a pink pot filled with bulbs of various flowers which will bloom at different times throughout the spring and possibly even the summer. Such sweethearts, my son and his lovely wife who never forget to remember!

What a testament of God's love and care for each His human children when we look at His creations such as the birds, the trees, the flowers and their vibrant colors and shapes.
We start out in our mother's womb, we're born, and we begin to grow and to bloom in our own unique way. Each of us is a wonderous creation of God and He loves us in and for our individual uniqueness. Hopefully, we then strive to grow in His love and to become vibrant in our faith, hope, and charity. This is what I wish for myself, and for all of you, dear readers.

Easter Week

It has been quite a long time since I've posted here but my quest to become closer every day to Our Lord is ongoing. This is such a holy season and I hope I've grown in my faith, day by day. Having the benefit of reading some of the inspiring Catholic blogs out there has been a source of reflection and prayer for me.

I have so far to go and if anyone is even reading my blog, would you please pray for me. The resurrection gives me so many thoughts and longings, at the same time. I want to rise a little bit more each day in my faith and trust in God and honestly don't think I've done very well. It is the season of hope and renewal though, so I will continue on my daily path and know that I can get help whenever I reach out.

I wish each and every one of you a blessed Easter season and a new and lively love for each other day by day.

The New Year

It's officially 2007, can you believe it? I'm hoping this year will bring me closer to the Lord 'each and every day', because it's been a struggle for me in 2006 but I tried not to give up. I'm feeling quite disappointed in not having an answer to a prayer I've prayed for quite a long time now. I wonder why the Lord won't grant me what I humbly ask in my prayer since it would harm no one and would only serve to make me a better person.....at least that's what I think, but perhaps the Lord thinks otherwise. If He does though, that doesn't help me with my disallusionment and my ever so slight feelings of underlying depression these days and I confess, even a feeling of "why won't You grant me this, O Lord"?

May I ask any of you who read my blog on occasion to pray for me in my continuous quest to grow in my Catholic faith and to each day grow closer to Jesus, and yes, could you also pray for my special intention because perhaps I just need more prayers?

Thank You, Jesus

I must first of all thank Jesus for nudging me many times throughout this past 6 months or so to return to Mass and go to confession.....I finally did both! Oh, I feel so much lighter in my mind since I was experiencing a good bit of guilt. I also want to take this opportunity to thank those of you who may have prayed for me on this. Frankly, I don't know if very many people even read my blog, but if you're out there and you're reading this, I thank you.

May we all have a wonderful, happy, and spiritually filled Christmas with the peace of Christ in our hearts as we share ourselves and what we possess with the Lord and with others.

Such Wonderful News!

It's with much humility and joy that I announce my saint for 2007 (who "chose me") is Blessed Mother Teresa! I can hardly believe such a priviledge being accorded to me in my pathetically selfish life. I've always known I tended toward the selfish side of things although I try not to and sometimes succeed, but oft times, do not. Therefore, it is a miracle in itself that I would be chosen by Mother Teresa who personifies generosity in her loving and worldly giving. I prayed last night for a saint who would help me in an undeniable way in 2007 and truly, my cup overflows!

A Saint for 2007

I just asked to have a saint being picked for me for 2007 at A Catholic Life blog and can't wait to see who I have for the upcoming new year. If you haven't signed up yet, just go to Moneybags (what he calls himself) website and request that a saint be picked for you. There's a previous post explaining all about it and how it came into being.

I have been reading spiritually inspiring things on many of the Catholic blogspots out there and they are very helpful to me. I feel the urge to get to confession more pressing than in the past and confess that I've missed Sunday Mass on a regular basis through my own fault. This deeply distresses me because I know it's a mortal sin and yet, haven't made the necessary changes so please, if you are reading this, pray for me to return to the Lord in the Eucharistic celebration.

I'm preparing for Christmas like so many of us at this time of year but it is very disheartening to see how commercial Christmas is becoming and devoid of Jesus, who is the reason for celebrating in the first place. All the emphasis is on how much money we spend and how many gifts we buy. So much of it this year is electronic and more and more sophisticated so that we're separated from each other in our own little "cyberworld".......and I feel as though this is what the future is going to hold more of, which is a very sad and scary thought.

My prayer every night this month will be for all of us to realize that the love we give one another, the courtesy, the kind words, the helpful deeds, and the prayers will be genuinely seen to be the true Christmas gifts which we can freely give to those whom we love, as well as those whom we come in contact with each day.

Little by Little

I'm getting into my faith again, little by little, as the title of this post says. I'm reading the online scriptures daily and also reading my bible study gospel of St. Matthew and looking up appropriate verses in my bible. I continue to say my nightly prayers and often pray throughout the day, but I still haven't begun attending Sunday Mass once again!

I mentioned my 'feeble' reasons for this in a former post, but I think it comes down to pure laziness and that age old desire to put myself first, instead of the Lord. It's not even very easy to type this confession, but type it I must because I think it's the first step in realizing that I need to go to confession badly, and then put one foot in front of the other and get back to Mass so I can partake of the body and blood of Our Lord, which He so generously offers.

St. Anne, pray for me and for all who search and seek Our Lord.

Bible Study

Lately I've been finding that when it comes to the bible, I'm not too well versed (pun intended). When I was growing up Catholic, the bible wasn't studied other than the favorite verses or stories that we would hear frequently. Naturally, there were the Sunday gospel readings but not any actual time spent on reading and interpreting the bible for our everyday life and how it would apply there in. There were no question and answer sessions and occasionally, if someone did ask a question, I remember the answer being something like, "just take it on faith".

As a Catholic adult, I'd like to learn more and find out just what certain readings mean and how they can be applied to my everyday life. Of course, these days there are numerous books, tapes, and even videos that delve into this very thing, but the question is, how does one wade through the myriad of choices and pick a very basic learning tool that's written (or spoken) in plain English? I don't necessarily want to purchase something and come to find out that not only is this book not making a whole lot of sense to me, but it's also not showing me how to apply what I'm reading into everyday life. Any suggestions would be most welcome, and until next time, God bless you.

Contest Poster

Here's my entry for the Lapped Catholic Motivational poster contest. I took this picture myself and it inspires me each time I look at it (click on it to see it's full beauty). I hope you all enjoy it as well and good luck to everyone.

Searching....

I am finding myself searching lately for answers to my lukewarm Catholicism. I don't know why I have pulled away from attending Mass on a weekly basis but I do know that it's been causing me a great deal of guilt. Now, why I don't go is two fold and I already know that many of you will chalk it up to pride and laziness and perhaps, you're correct.

I can feel God's presence at the very early Mass with NO music (I can hear your gasping now). I can fully meditate on what is actually happening on the altar without all the singing. That said, I find myself unable to get up at 6:30 a.m. and get ready to attend that particular Mass. There are no others at my church without singing, so I do not go. Yes, it sounds like laziness to me, but alas, I'm unable to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' and correct the situation.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might want to share, but please, no reprimands, because they aren't necessary, since I reprimand myself ten times over every day. I cling to the words of the German born theologian, Abraham J. Heschel,

"Beyond all mystery is the mercy of God".

St. Francis

Today is St. Francis feast day and as always, his words are timeless.


"O divine Master, grant that I may no so much seek,
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

Let us think on these words today and every day and perhaps, each in our own small way can make this world a better place to live. May the Lord's peace come into your hearts.

A Tragedy, Indeed!

Hearing the news today about the terrorizing and execution of innocent children in a one room Amish schoolhouse has profoundly saddened me. Something has got to change in our society and it has to be soon, I hope. Those who prey on the innocent, the sickly, the elderly, and the list goes on, should be held accountable in every possible way and not be coddled by a system that encourages all possible excuse for the inexcusable.

I pray for those who died senselessly and horribly and for their family and friends who will never forget and who will never be the same people they were yesterday. I also pray for those who witnessed any of this rampage and survived, for they will carry scars forever and the question is always the same one......WHY? However, even when we think we have some answers to the questions that haunt us, they are never acceptable in the end. Instead, these horrible things should never have happened in the first place for ANY reasons whatsoever. There can be no justification, no excuses, for they are meaningless.

I would surely love to continue burying my head (thus, the title of my blog) but cannot do so any longer. The time has come to speak up and say that in my humble opinion, the shooter did only one good thing on the afternoon of this tragedy.......he shot himself, alas, not soon enough however, not soon enough. May the Lord forgive me as I know I shouldn't feel that way, but in truth, I do.