I am finding myself searching lately for answers to my lukewarm Catholicism. I don't know why I have pulled away from attending Mass on a weekly basis but I do know that it's been causing me a great deal of guilt. Now, why I don't go is two fold and I already know that many of you will chalk it up to pride and laziness and perhaps, you're correct.
I can feel God's presence at the very early Mass with NO music (I can hear your gasping now). I can fully meditate on what is actually happening on the altar without all the singing. That said, I find myself unable to get up at 6:30 a.m. and get ready to attend that particular Mass. There are no others at my church without singing, so I do not go. Yes, it sounds like laziness to me, but alas, I'm unable to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' and correct the situation.
I would appreciate any thoughts you might want to share, but please, no reprimands, because they aren't necessary, since I reprimand myself ten times over every day. I cling to the words of the German born theologian, Abraham J. Heschel,
"Beyond all mystery is the mercy of God".