October 06, 2006

Searching....

I am finding myself searching lately for answers to my lukewarm Catholicism. I don't know why I have pulled away from attending Mass on a weekly basis but I do know that it's been causing me a great deal of guilt. Now, why I don't go is two fold and I already know that many of you will chalk it up to pride and laziness and perhaps, you're correct.

I can feel God's presence at the very early Mass with NO music (I can hear your gasping now). I can fully meditate on what is actually happening on the altar without all the singing. That said, I find myself unable to get up at 6:30 a.m. and get ready to attend that particular Mass. There are no others at my church without singing, so I do not go. Yes, it sounds like laziness to me, but alas, I'm unable to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' and correct the situation.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might want to share, but please, no reprimands, because they aren't necessary, since I reprimand myself ten times over every day. I cling to the words of the German born theologian, Abraham J. Heschel,

"Beyond all mystery is the mercy of God".

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Dear L,

I will pray for you. Your post does not make me want to reprimand you at all; it makes my heart go out to you, because of what you are keeping from yourself. Whatever is in the Mass that you can't stand is just icing. The real purpose for the Mass - the Eucharist - is the same. Period. We are early (or Sat.) Mass-goers too, and there have been a handful of times we have not been able to make those preferred times or have been traveling. I hate certain kinds of music; they just grate me. And I find the silence therapeutic too. That's OK. But to separate yourself from Jesus, to take that giant leap away, is decay for your soul.

My first advice to you is to go to Confession. I don't only say that because you are missing Mass, but I say it first and foremost because of the healing power of confession. The devil's good at what he does, and he is successfully separating you from Jesus by helping you justify staying away from Mass. Don't let him keep you away from all of the sacraments; don't let yourself fall for the lies.

Music may detract from what you "get out" of Mass, but let me ask you this - is one or two hours of bad music too much to give back to God? Is the sacrifice you give God going to go unnoticed and unblessed? It was a wake-up call to me when someone gently asked me similar questions when I was griping about something or other within our liturgy.

If you find yourself still unable to attend Mass at your parish, could you find another one close by? What other alternatives can you find for this unbearable Mass? And, if nothing else, go to daily Mass. It does not take the place of a weekend liturgy, but I pray that it makes you hunger for the Eucharist, that it makes you feel the need you have for God's work in your life through that Sunday Mass. Spend an hour in Adoration, praying in the silence of the church before the Blessed Sacrament, or if your parish does not have Exposition, before the tabernacle. Pray to God for healing and strength. Ask Mary for her intercession.

The Memorae states "Never has it been known that anyone who fled to they protection or implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, either for the common welfare, or in personal anxieties, was left unaided." Let Mary be your guide to her Son.

Blessings and peace to you - and sorry for such a LONGGGGG reply!

Sarah said...

Dear Laura, I'm working on a post about Mass and I am hoping to have it done this week. I hope my prayers for you are making a difference. And thanks for leaving me a comment...I wasn't sure if I had offended with the earlier comment or not.

Blessings and peace to you, and continued prayers.